Hey guys, I just wanted to share my story with you guys. Maybe there are other guys here that are on the same boat as me. I wanted to share with you guys why I started hobbying. And I would like to hear your stories as well. After you guys finish reading this, you’ll either know how I feel or make fun of me. Either response is ok with me and appreciated. Here’s my story:
On November 17, 2015 I almost took my own life.
I was in nursing school at the time. I was burnt out, I was depressed, I was tired, I wanted to die. Death was in my mind 24/7. I was going through ANOTHER REJECTION by a girl I had a crush on in church. She was the 1000000th girl (obviously I lost count) that has rejected me. I have been rejected for so many reasons: my weight, my looks, my financial status, my race (im Latino with yellow fever, so most girls I’ve crushed on were Asian), for being a nice guy, because i was too “young”, because they were already taken or they liked someone else, I just didn’t meet up to their standards. I became bulimic and tried to lose as much weight as I can so I can become attractive and get someone to like me, I became in better shape and felt more confident in myself...but even that didn’t work and I was still getting rejected or friendzoned. I could have been killed by cardiac arrest because of my unhealthy methods of losing weight.
All these rejections made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and that I would never find someone and be alone the rest of my life. This made me wanting to end my life. I was desperately trying to find painless ways to die. But unfortunately there is no painless way to go. My classmates and professors in nursing school knew something was wrong with me, so they called an ambulance and I was sent to the ER. That’s where I was diagnosed with bulimia, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. I was referred to therapy and was prescribed medications.
During those past 4 years after my suicide attempt, I have been working on myself and working hard to where I am today....but I was still getting rejected. One rejection made me stop going to church and that made me eventually lose my faith in god. I was rejected again at my new school in this program where I was studying another career. The coolest women I have ever met turned me down after I asked her out on a date because I was too young for her. And most recently I stopped trying to meet up with a friend I had a crush on because it was obvious she was interested in someone else who lives in Canada....everytime me and her hang out, she would always be texting this guy. I even looked over at her phone and the conversation was about them planning to meet up. That’s when I decided to give up on her. Then I tried dating apps and it was a failure. The dumbest thing I did was pay money to use a dating app. Paying just to be rejected and ignored by those that I liked on the app. It came to a point where I just became tired. My mind was tired. My heart is tired. It made me decide to give up and I am scared to like someone again.
Today I am still fighting depression and generalized anxiety disorder. My depression is triggered when I see happy couples when I am out either on the streets, or on the subway for example. I have recovered from bulimia but I still have trouble enjoying food without feeling guilty. I am trying to get fit the right way by going to the gym, but I am doing it for myself and not for women. My body has become stronger and healthier. I graduated and I have a well paying job in a field where I feel confident and that I enjoy.
I am learning to love myself better and not give a fuck of what others think about me.
Am I happy? No. But am I ok? Meh.
The reason I wanted to share this is to show the psychological effects of rejection. I haven’t even had my first kiss.
Rejection and friendzoning is something that many joke about but never think about how painful it is for someone who has to go through it. It’s a horrible thing to go through.
People would call me thirsty...but there’s nothing wrong with desiring love and affection. It is a human need. We are not meant to live life alone.....BUT...loneliness and rejection lead me down a very dark path...and that’s hobbying. Last year when I met up with one of my closest bro’s who I haven’t seen in a long time to watch a World Cup game at a bar on Roosevelt, he asked me how things were going with the ladies...and I told him that I still have no luck. He told me that he knew places where...*you know* and if I wanted to go, that he’ll take me. I turned down the offer. One year later, my 26th birthday was coming up and I still had my v-card. The girl I like at the time (same girl mentioned before who had something going on with the Canadian guy), I was 100% she didn’t have her v-card, which wouldn’t be fair if I ever got with her. And it’s a fact that in this generation, many women my age don’t have their v-cards anymore...and I still did. It was unacceptable for me to be almost 26 and still have my v-card and I knew I was going no where with this girl. I was lonely and my Yellow Fever and manly needs weren’t being met. So I hit my bro up and I told him “let’s go, it’s time” he knew what I meant. He took me and I gave away my v-card at 83-33 (those who know Elmhurst know which place I’m taking about) to a provider named Lina. It was horrible because I didn’t last, and if I wanted another set of protection, I had to pay again. I went back again a few weeks later and met Angela. Me and Angela became very close and we talked a lot, she gave me her number, and we met up a couple more times. Angela left 8333 and did incall in flushing where I would meet her in some apartment, then she worked at a spa on Kissena where I saw her for the very last time...she left to Chicago and haven’t heard from her since. after that I hobbied more times and met different providers like others at 8333, Whitney milfs, or incalls. I would tell them my story and they would tell me things like “I’m very handsome, I’m too young to be stressing out, be positive, have confidence, and that that special girl will come someday” I wish I can believe them but I don’t. Hobbying hasn’t really alleviated my loneliness, yea I have a great time but then when the session is over, I am back to the reality of loneliness and depression because I know the bond I had with the provider wasn’t real because I paid them....same with Angela. I don’t think I was special to her as she was to me. I’ve been thinking to stopping the hobby, especially since it’s a very expensive addiction. Loneliness and rejection has lead me down the dark path of hobbying...and it’s been a path I’ve been trying to get out of. Happy thanksgiving guys (I don’t celebrate it, but whatever), hearing from you guys would much be appreciated.
