Sometimes people feel guilty about not feeling guilty, and that's the vibe I'm getting from
@VJLUTZ. I could be wrong of course.
I don't feel guilt necessarily, but I am often conflicted. Like the Batman villain Two-Face, I am of two minds when it comes to this hobby.
On one hand:
- I used to be a straight arrow. This Hobby ruined that forever For me, being a monger means doing a lot of lying. Not just to my wife, but to the girls I frequent. Some I have been mostly truthful with. Others, I have told real whoppers to, especially about my marital status, to get them in the sack. And, of course, I also lie about my identity. I've gotten used to (and good at) the lying, but I never feel good about it.
- While I can afford what I spend, the money I use for the Hobby could certainly go to other things. Ditto with the time and energy I put into it.
- Holding it all inside can take a toll. Sometimes, I feel the weight of not being able to talk about it with an actual person(which is where the confession idea came in). Though these boards do provide some counter to that.
- If my family, colleagues or the Authorities ever found out, I'd be very, very sorry. I'm sure that's true for many of us.
- Aside from committing adultery myself, I have talked some women into committing adultery. However, I never had to twist their arm very hard.
- Though it has not happened yet, I can't shake the feeling that, one day, I'll get a huge karmic kick-in-the-ass for this. Maybe in this life; maybe in the next or the here-after.
- Some nights I lie in bed thinking about what I am doing and it scares the living shit out of me.
On the other hand:
- In many ways, leading this secret, double life has been the greatest adventure of my life
- It has definitely made me a bolder, more confident and well-rounded person. Still not sure about wiser.
- It has made me a much better liar. Make of that what you will.
- I genuinely feel that I have helped some of these women and brought joy into their life.
- When it comes to lying, many of these girls give as good (or better) than they get. In many ways, the Hobby is a kind of liar's poker.
- The Hobby makes me feel joyful, alive and complete. Without this hobby, I would not be miserable, but I would be perpetually unsatisfied. If I had to be celibate, it would be a kind of living death.
- It was all my choice. I am where I am. As Sinatra said:
"I did it MY way"!