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Confession?
- Thread starter VJLUTZ
- Start date
I don't feel guilt necessarily, but I am often conflicted. Like the Batman villain Two-Face, I am of two minds when it comes to this hobby.
On one hand:
- I used to be a straight arrow. This Hobby ruined that forever For me, being a monger means doing a lot of lying. Not just to my wife, but to the girls I frequent. Some I have been mostly truthful with. Others, I have told real whoppers to, especially about my marital status, to get them in the sack. And, of course, I also lie about my identity. I've gotten used to (and good at) the lying, but I never feel good about it.
- While I can afford what I spend, the money I use for the Hobby could certainly go to other things. Ditto with the time and energy I put into it.
- Holding it all inside can take a toll. Sometimes, I feel the weight of not being able to talk about it with an actual person(which is where the confession idea came in). Though these boards do provide some counter to that.
- If my family, colleagues or the Authorities ever found out, I'd be very, very sorry. I'm sure that's true for many of us.
- Aside from committing adultery myself, I have talked some women into committing adultery. However, I never had to twist their arm very hard.
- Though it has not happened yet, I can't shake the feeling that, one day, I'll get a huge karmic kick-in-the-ass for this. Maybe in this life; maybe in the next or the here-after.
- Some nights I lie in bed thinking about what I am doing and it scares the living shit out of me.
On the other hand:
- In many ways, leading this secret, double life has been the greatest adventure of my life
- It has definitely made me a bolder, more confident and well-rounded person. Still not sure about wiser.
- It has made me a much better liar. Make of that what you will.
- I genuinely feel that I have helped some of these women and brought joy into their life.
- When it comes to lying, many of these girls give as good (or better) than they get. In many ways, the Hobby is a kind of liar's poker.
- The Hobby makes me feel joyful, alive and complete. Without this hobby, I would not be miserable, but I would be perpetually unsatisfied. If I had to be celibate, it would be a kind of living death.
- It was all my choice. I am where I am. As Sinatra said: "I did it MY way"!
On one hand:
- I used to be a straight arrow. This Hobby ruined that forever For me, being a monger means doing a lot of lying. Not just to my wife, but to the girls I frequent. Some I have been mostly truthful with. Others, I have told real whoppers to, especially about my marital status, to get them in the sack. And, of course, I also lie about my identity. I've gotten used to (and good at) the lying, but I never feel good about it.
- While I can afford what I spend, the money I use for the Hobby could certainly go to other things. Ditto with the time and energy I put into it.
- Holding it all inside can take a toll. Sometimes, I feel the weight of not being able to talk about it with an actual person(which is where the confession idea came in). Though these boards do provide some counter to that.
- If my family, colleagues or the Authorities ever found out, I'd be very, very sorry. I'm sure that's true for many of us.
- Aside from committing adultery myself, I have talked some women into committing adultery. However, I never had to twist their arm very hard.
- Though it has not happened yet, I can't shake the feeling that, one day, I'll get a huge karmic kick-in-the-ass for this. Maybe in this life; maybe in the next or the here-after.
- Some nights I lie in bed thinking about what I am doing and it scares the living shit out of me.
On the other hand:
- In many ways, leading this secret, double life has been the greatest adventure of my life
- It has definitely made me a bolder, more confident and well-rounded person. Still not sure about wiser.
- It has made me a much better liar. Make of that what you will.
- I genuinely feel that I have helped some of these women and brought joy into their life.
- When it comes to lying, many of these girls give as good (or better) than they get. In many ways, the Hobby is a kind of liar's poker.
- The Hobby makes me feel joyful, alive and complete. Without this hobby, I would not be miserable, but I would be perpetually unsatisfied. If I had to be celibate, it would be a kind of living death.
- It was all my choice. I am where I am. As Sinatra said: "I did it MY way"!
@VJLUTZ I am guessing a priest has read your post and is wishing you would enter confession to compare notes!
I always like reading about history. It is amazing how the institute of marriage has and will continue to change thru history.
https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage
I always like reading about history. It is amazing how the institute of marriage has and will continue to change thru history.
https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage
Sir Slimm,
Like the new Avatar!
Reminds me of this guy:
Like the new Avatar!
Reminds me of this guy:
You see, I'm a 'ski on my mom's side, and she knew zilch about sports. So this quite-less-impressive figure was the poster boy of Polish pride in my family:
Your summary may qualify for an act of Perfect Conteition, there are some rules about that. It doesn't qualify as a full out confession, they won't let us mail hem in, but is close.
In my early years of Catholicism I confessed regularly to stay out of hell (imperfect), and not because I loved their Catholic forms of god (perfect). My confession was imperfect, but I never knew the difference. The problem with my confessions was that most of what i confessed were not sins, I wasn't old enough to really sin, and not interested in discontinuing the sins I thought I was committing. And the confessional was a creepy situation. Waiting your turn, conferring with my brothers on how to minimize the sins I was about to confess, entering with trepidation or fear, waiting for the priest to slide open the small door, hidden behind the filtered screen, seeing the shadowed man through that screen. It never felt good, and now it is in my mind one of many of the forms of subtle grooming that was taking place. Thankfully that was the closest I ever got to being alone with a priest. Public school, 6th grade, freedom.
Any true confession, no matter who you tell or how you do it, is absolving if you plan to stop the action you are confessing. And in my mind, confessing to myself or someone I trust far exceeds telling someone who I barely know, in a dark booth, who is part of an organization that became a feeder system for child molesters, and knowing this, for centuries has struggled with how to fix the issue. The struggle is easy to understand, those who were in power to fix it were also guilty, they did not properly police themselves, and the church has yet to properly confess. This was not 'a few bad apples' issue, they don't deserve my confession.
Your summary hits a lot of true notes.
Do you ever wonder if you talk in your sleep? It seems to occurr more and more as I age. Now that would be a confession I want to hear.
In my early years of Catholicism I confessed regularly to stay out of hell (imperfect), and not because I loved their Catholic forms of god (perfect). My confession was imperfect, but I never knew the difference. The problem with my confessions was that most of what i confessed were not sins, I wasn't old enough to really sin, and not interested in discontinuing the sins I thought I was committing. And the confessional was a creepy situation. Waiting your turn, conferring with my brothers on how to minimize the sins I was about to confess, entering with trepidation or fear, waiting for the priest to slide open the small door, hidden behind the filtered screen, seeing the shadowed man through that screen. It never felt good, and now it is in my mind one of many of the forms of subtle grooming that was taking place. Thankfully that was the closest I ever got to being alone with a priest. Public school, 6th grade, freedom.
Any true confession, no matter who you tell or how you do it, is absolving if you plan to stop the action you are confessing. And in my mind, confessing to myself or someone I trust far exceeds telling someone who I barely know, in a dark booth, who is part of an organization that became a feeder system for child molesters, and knowing this, for centuries has struggled with how to fix the issue. The struggle is easy to understand, those who were in power to fix it were also guilty, they did not properly police themselves, and the church has yet to properly confess. This was not 'a few bad apples' issue, they don't deserve my confession.
Your summary hits a lot of true notes.
Do you ever wonder if you talk in your sleep? It seems to occurr more and more as I age. Now that would be a confession I want to hear.
Since this thread is still going hot and heavy, I thought I would chime in. Long story (hopefully) short. My mother was Episcopalian and my father was RC. His mother was ferociously devout RC. She would only agree to their marrriage if we were raised RC and we were. I have to credit the RC church for turning me away frrom God at a young age. As a rebel even then, I could not handle sitting on a rock hard bench and listening to a guy dressed in medieval garb speaking a foreign language (Latin). It just seemed pointless and a waste of my time. Per the quote above my confessions were designed beforehand to minimize penance and get me the hell out of there. I also varied them in case I got the same priest. Up until my mid thirties I considered myself to be primarily agnostic but occasionally athiest. That changed in my thirties thanks to the bottom dropping out of my marriage and my life. I found that I had nowhere to turn except to a God that I claimed not to believe in. He has said that he would not pour himself into a cup that is half full and mine was completely empty and had holes in the bottom. What followed was not so much a prayer as a cry for help but my life was changed in an instant. The problem was that the irreparable harm had already been done in my marriage and my wife seems to believe that you can make problems go away by ignoring them. I am the opposite, believing that it requires communication and comprimise. The problems never really got fixed, we just played the game of pretending they weren't there (I guess she won that round). I became angry and bitter because of it and it pulled me away from God but never made me stop believing. As Jackboner said "talk to God directly." Talk of religion can annoy me a little because I believe that the need for a "religion" ended with Old Testament Judaism. When Jesus came into this world he did away with religion and opened the way for relationship. I think that biblical Christianity is a relationship with God through Jesus who was God in the flesh and is now God in the spirit, until he returns. I believe it is John 1:1 that says in speaking of Jesus "by him and for him were all things made that were made." Think about that, it is powerful. So why am I hobbying? After many years, many dollars and much grief invested into trying to repair my marriage, my thinking became "I paid my dues, now it's my turn." If there is a small twinge of guilt it comes from having spent more time thinking about my atf than I have my wife. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a birthday gift for my favorite provider.
No, but apparently I snore.
@KittyHawk - Excellent. Keep doing the Lord's work.
I have. He has never answered back directly, but sometimes I do feel guided. I also believe in Fate (to me, Fate and God are not incompatible). I've noticed that if you are trying to do something you weren't meant to do, you continually feel like a fish swimming upstream. Obstacles and setbacks appear everywhere. In contrast, if you put yourself on the "right" path, everything suddenly becomes almost effortless. I've also had a couple of seemingly inexplicable coincidences happen to me (at strategic points in my life) that feel a lot like Fate.
@KittyHawk - Excellent. Keep doing the Lord's work.
I have. He has never answered back directly, but sometimes I do feel guided. I also believe in Fate (to me, Fate and God are not incompatible). I've noticed that if you are trying to do something you weren't meant to do, you continually feel like a fish swimming upstream. Obstacles and setbacks appear everywhere. In contrast, if you put yourself on the "right" path, everything suddenly becomes almost effortless. I've also had a couple of seemingly inexplicable coincidences happen to me (at strategic points in my life) that feel a lot like Fate.
Speaking of God's work, I do volunteer work at animal shelters. A lot of hours spent mopping floors, cleaning shit in cages, and medicating sick animals. I've been bitten several times and come home on some days tired, depressed, and drained.
But, if you want to find something rewarding where God will value your work independently without the judgements of others, lay people or church people, then roll up your sleeves and volunteer for something.
But, if you want to find something rewarding where God will value your work independently without the judgements of others, lay people or church people, then roll up your sleeves and volunteer for something.
This is a fantastic thread and I am surprised to see so many insightful posts. As to OP dilemma, I also felt the urge and tried to talk myself into going to confession for years but I have not been able to. The sense of hypocrisy is what gets me. I feel like there is some ultimate reason why most people, regardless of their religious convictions, possess an innate sense of right and wrong. At the same time, I don't in all conscience feel like mongering is unquestionably bad. I see its negative aspects but also its therepeurical benefits, especially when coupled with the respect the provider deserves. At this point, I try to be the best I can for myself and for the others but I have accepted myself as imperfect and fallible. While I try to not indulge too often, I know I will slip again sooner or later. So no confession, it is. I am a sinner but not a hypocrite, I guess. And I hope hell is not as bad as it sounds 
This is the part about the church (churches) that drove me nuts and ultimately caused me to leave christianity. I couldnt grasp how someone evil who did many bad things only had to confess his sins (or accept Jesus as your savior in the more protestant forms) . and poof, you were exonerated, essentially getting a do-over. but yet someone who did a few minor things, yet didnt confess was condemned to hell. To me it all smelt like scam. And then you add in all the wars over the years that were church sponsored, and automatically absolved all the killers in the lords name and it got really crazy.
this is more like what i believe today. All my spa visits might be bad (maybe not), but I try to do other things to make up for them and hope that in the end things balance out in my favor. I at least sleep better this way. My conscience isnt clear, and I pretty much know I'll always be visiting spas until i am physically unable. But I dont spend too much time worrying about the sin that represents and whether I have to go confess to a priest every time I visit.
this is more like what i believe today. All my spa visits might be bad (maybe not), but I try to do other things to make up for them and hope that in the end things balance out in my favor. I at least sleep better this way. My conscience isnt clear, and I pretty much know I'll always be visiting spas until i am physically unable. But I dont spend too much time worrying about the sin that represents and whether I have to go confess to a priest every time I visit.
One of my aunts (R.I.P.) was a devout Catholic. I think the only days in her life when she missed church was during childbirth. She was also the least judgmental personal I've ever known. I think her beliefs and what she knew of scripture led her to conclude that judgments were not akin to faith. And if she knew about my mongering, what would she say? She'd say, no matter, you're a good guy.
So be it.
So be it.
There are so many sins associated with the bible that it genuinely makes my head spin.
Was my wife committing a sin for withholding sex from me for years? The bible says yes.
Was I committing a sin every time I jerked off while thinking of some strange beautiful women? The bible says yes.
Did my love for my wife change thru this process, absolutely not.
If I am going to confession all the time discussing my mental adultery to the priest, do I get to go to heaven? The bible says yes.
If my wife does not join me and discuss her withdraw from sexual actions, does she go to hell? The bible says yes.
Was my wife committing a sin for withholding sex from me for years? The bible says yes.
Was I committing a sin every time I jerked off while thinking of some strange beautiful women? The bible says yes.
Did my love for my wife change thru this process, absolutely not.
If I am going to confession all the time discussing my mental adultery to the priest, do I get to go to heaven? The bible says yes.
If my wife does not join me and discuss her withdraw from sexual actions, does she go to hell? The bible says yes.