first timer, do i just ask them or do they do it by themselves or ask me or what
In most places that are HJ only, the provider will ask you, after the flip, whether you want a HJ. Or she will make a motion with her hand. If you want that just tell her yes.
In places that offer everything (HJ/BJ/FS), the provider usually asks you, after the flip, what you want. If you want FS, tell her you want everything. If BJ or HJ, tell her which one. She will usually ask how much you are tipping or tell you how much it will cost.
Many places are established FS places, and for those it's kind of understood that you are going for full service. You can tell which places are like that from the review boards. Most of the really popular places are FS. For these places, often the provider will tell you the cost when you get back to the room after the TS.
If after the flip, the provider doesn't convey that HJ or FS is available, just ask them or make a motion with your hand.