Not trying to be a buzzkill, as we all come here for fun, but I'm wondering if anyone has done what I'm contemplating. I'm mid-50s, married 25 years, kids are in their 20s. For several reasons, I'm contemplating divorce. Has anyone in a similar demographic done it? How did it work out? We both have good jobs and child support isn't an issue, did you still get screwed financially? Any real-world examples would be appreciated.
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To Stay or Not To Stay
- Thread starter Abc246825
- Start date
You always get screwed financially. For one thing, you are going from one household to households. Double the cost right there.
On the plus side, if she is a spendthrift, then you are no longer responsible for her bills.
Don’t forget about the holidays and trying to coordinate who goes where and when.
On the plus side, if she is a spendthrift, then you are no longer responsible for her bills.
Don’t forget about the holidays and trying to coordinate who goes where and when.
Getting screwed financially depends on the state. But also how aggressive she is with a pension or a 401k you might have.
I know some that are better friends now then when they were married. I know some that hate each other’s guts. All that depends.
There is for sure lots to think about.
Before you do anything go see a divorce lawyer. They will see you for free for a consult. Then you will have the info you really need to see if you want to proceed.
I know a few of them, if you need.
Exactly; everyone’s situation in divorce will be different. Way too many viable. Best to consult a lawyer. I would personally also exhaust other avenues; marriage consulting etc. I really think that looks better with a judge. Example “i was not happy with xyz; really tried everything but she just wouldn’t change your honor; how was I to continue living like this?”
Call an attorney.
I think about it from time to time, and put it aside. Venn diagram therapy. The modest assets we share would break us both.
But I'd be curious why, in your case. I'm a bit older than you are, hit 25 years of marriage not too long ago. Welcome to the club,I guess.
But this isn't a financial advice forum about wealth preservation. It's for fuckers like me who are whoremongers. Are you thinking of getting remarried, to a civvie or to a provider? Do you want more freedom? Just asking.
Far be it for me to advise staying in a bad marriage. I've made my peace with what I have, and appreciate what @Doubleyellow says about known vs unknown issues. And the unfinancials would be losing relationships that I've built up for over 25 years, gone overnight.
Good luck, but get a lawyer.
I think about it from time to time, and put it aside. Venn diagram therapy. The modest assets we share would break us both.
But I'd be curious why, in your case. I'm a bit older than you are, hit 25 years of marriage not too long ago. Welcome to the club,I guess.
But this isn't a financial advice forum about wealth preservation. It's for fuckers like me who are whoremongers. Are you thinking of getting remarried, to a civvie or to a provider? Do you want more freedom? Just asking.
Far be it for me to advise staying in a bad marriage. I've made my peace with what I have, and appreciate what @Doubleyellow says about known vs unknown issues. And the unfinancials would be losing relationships that I've built up for over 25 years, gone overnight.
Good luck, but get a lawyer.
I had an amazing close priest friend. We would play cards and drink some amazing whiskey periodically. The guy was great and some of the advice he gave thru the eyes of dying people was priceless.
He said his experience with last rights was the vision of everyone's future. He literally watched hundreds of people die and this is a summary.
1) never had a single person regret not working more or harder in life. Did not matter how poor or wealthy they were.
2) most people regretted not spending more time with loved ones and family.
3) I was always intrigued with divorce so I asked him about it. and he said way more people regretted divorce and those who did not.
There are two people who have built and life and family together and now you are entering the last quarter of your life, this is a transition point in you and your wife's life. It is a challenge just like every other challenge you and your wife have accomplished over most of your adult life.
I have no clue about you, your wife or your life but I vote for working instead of walking.
He said his experience with last rights was the vision of everyone's future. He literally watched hundreds of people die and this is a summary.
1) never had a single person regret not working more or harder in life. Did not matter how poor or wealthy they were.
2) most people regretted not spending more time with loved ones and family.
3) I was always intrigued with divorce so I asked him about it. and he said way more people regretted divorce and those who did not.
There are two people who have built and life and family together and now you are entering the last quarter of your life, this is a transition point in you and your wife's life. It is a challenge just like every other challenge you and your wife have accomplished over most of your adult life.
I have no clue about you, your wife or your life but I vote for working instead of walking.
There's significant prep to exit a marriage safely and sanely... and financially intact.
You need to be sure you are serious about this.
You need to be able to dodge forensic accountants when it comes to asset division.
And no, crypto is not sufficient. That is a public ledger. Lawyers and forensic accountants have endless mounted trophies on their wall of foolish husbands who thought that was good enough.
Dude, if my generation is trading crypto on the toilet on Robinhood, it is NOT good enough to hold up to a murderously motivated ex-spouse who wants to take you for everything and watch you suffer a spiritual, emotional and financial apocalpyse.
There's lots of defensive and offensive initiatives to deploy and prep.
Shit, I should charge for this kinda consulting. Jesus.
You need to be sure you are serious about this.
You need to be able to dodge forensic accountants when it comes to asset division.
And no, crypto is not sufficient. That is a public ledger. Lawyers and forensic accountants have endless mounted trophies on their wall of foolish husbands who thought that was good enough.
Dude, if my generation is trading crypto on the toilet on Robinhood, it is NOT good enough to hold up to a murderously motivated ex-spouse who wants to take you for everything and watch you suffer a spiritual, emotional and financial apocalpyse.
There's lots of defensive and offensive initiatives to deploy and prep.
Shit, I should charge for this kinda consulting. Jesus.
I’m NOT even REMOTELY trying to sound qualified or competent enough to offer good advice, but I have lived a lot and am also in a long , established marriage. The kids are grown ,and we’re empty nesters. If I can offer one thought, it would be this ; Take a look at your wedding photo, and remember the girl you married . Look at yourself in the same photo. Father Time, circumstance, tragedy, life in general beats the hell out of a relationship. You both are the same people as the two in that photo, but just weather beaten by life. Try to take a step back, and re access your journey together, where you started from, and where you are right now, and what got you here to this point . You’ll very likely find answers that you never would have anticipated. Good luck to you both , sincerely.
