I don't mean therapy to quit, but therapy to accept it. I've tried so many times to quit but always find myself coming back. A couple times I even marked the date for when I plan to quit, and go on a ridiculous binge prior. Despite that, still continue to come back. At this point, I've realized it's going to be a part of who I am. And I need to learn to accept it instead allowing it to mess up my day to day thoughts -- feeling shame and guilt seemingly out of nowhere everyday is not pleasant. And I think it will prevent me from splurging so hard as I always still feel like one day soon will be the day I quit. Has anyone seen a therapist for something like this in that fashion? How would I go about even finding a therapist who would help something like this?
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Therapy for this hobby
- Thread starter AsacSchrader
- Start date
this hobby isnt your problem.
Id suggest you have a issue with guilt, addiction, and possibly lack of meaning (purpose).
Guilt: Needlessly feeling guilty about things you enjoy.
Addiction: probably you are engaging with this in an addictive manner, aka, if you stopped acting in an addictive way, it wouldn't be a problem.
Purpose: If you have meaningful relationships, are healthy, workout regularly, do things in nature, enjoy your work and social life, you wont use this hobby as a crutch.
Id suggest you have a issue with guilt, addiction, and possibly lack of meaning (purpose).
Guilt: Needlessly feeling guilty about things you enjoy.
Addiction: probably you are engaging with this in an addictive manner, aka, if you stopped acting in an addictive way, it wouldn't be a problem.
Purpose: If you have meaningful relationships, are healthy, workout regularly, do things in nature, enjoy your work and social life, you wont use this hobby as a crutch.
I struggle with it, but have been "struggling" for over 25 years. And at times, yes, if feels very addictive (as in seeing 2-3 providers per week and too much time reading reviews and ads). Still, I don't regret most of it. On my deathbed, as I look back, I think I will rejoice in my accomplishments of course, my children, relationships, etc., etc. But I will also be better off for the experiences I had with various women. I remember many of them and the lessons I learned -- and I got to see all kinds of women in intimate situations. Asians, Italians, Russians, South Americans, Caribbean women, Black women, and so much more. And many, many of those experiences were about more than just sex. It was a conversation, a smile, a chance to get to know someone through repeat visits. Many meant well and were just trying to make a living, and doing it with a lot of terrible stigma and guilt and shame attached to it. (They struggle too.)
So, this isn't to be viewed as some underground, shameful thing. It's a beautiful thing. Just my opinion.
So, this isn't to be viewed as some underground, shameful thing. It's a beautiful thing. Just my opinion.
Step one is acceptance.
Find a therapist that is licensed or one that is supervised by someone who is and that is in your price range.
Make sure you feel comfortable about being honest with the person you choose.
Tell them what’s bothering you.
I talk to my therapist about it.
The behavior of paying for sex, has been going on forever and isn’t that unique.
Why, we, as unique individuals do it, is.
Find a therapist that is licensed or one that is supervised by someone who is and that is in your price range.
Make sure you feel comfortable about being honest with the person you choose.
Tell them what’s bothering you.
I talk to my therapist about it.
The behavior of paying for sex, has been going on forever and isn’t that unique.
Why, we, as unique individuals do it, is.
one day at a time if you wanna really quit. You wouldn't go on a 2 day bender if you were planning on quitting booze the 3rd day nor should you eat like a pig days before going on that diet you probably won't stick to. Have a drink here and there, eat a cheeseburger once in a while and monger when the mood strikes.
Even certified “saints” had to wrestle with this issue. Personally, I like the approach of:
“Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.”
- Saint Augustine
“Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.”
- Saint Augustine
This may be just me B I am using the word normal to mean average standard most people it's not a value judgment
.ut what I learned in therapy was normal people by the time they are mature sex and emotional intimacy are connected. Since I am conflicted about what I am doing I am "normal ". So I feel discomfort when I hobby. Conflict. I know I should not eat the cheesecake but I want it anyway in the moment.
As the boss says you want it, you take ,it, you pay the price.
Something that really ripped me up and also helped me was one of my I don't know what to call her providers I guess told me she was trying to save $200 to buy a birthday gift or something for a close friend. And here I was spending more than that for an hour of I don't know what to call it even anymore period habit . It wasn't a good feeling. But it helped bad feelings motivate me to change my behavior. I'm not preaching here I'm going back and forth.
.ut what I learned in therapy was normal people by the time they are mature sex and emotional intimacy are connected. Since I am conflicted about what I am doing I am "normal ". So I feel discomfort when I hobby. Conflict. I know I should not eat the cheesecake but I want it anyway in the moment.
As the boss says you want it, you take ,it, you pay the price.
Something that really ripped me up and also helped me was one of my I don't know what to call her providers I guess told me she was trying to save $200 to buy a birthday gift or something for a close friend. And here I was spending more than that for an hour of I don't know what to call it even anymore period habit . It wasn't a good feeling. But it helped bad feelings motivate me to change my behavior. I'm not preaching here I'm going back and forth.
It would be wise to nip this in the bud before it gets out of control and trust me it can get out of control. Everything from relationship problems, financial drainage, and sexually transmitted diseases. You're really paying to use a human for your pleasure along with everyone else. This thought is far gone once you have entered the vicious addictive cycle.
Lots of good advice here. Here are my suggestions:
1. If guilt or shame is an issue:
A. Compartmentalize and avoid deep feelings for providers
B. Talk to a therapist or shrink. My therapist is a little judgmental on some of these issues so I don't go there with her, but my shrink is totally fine and I can discuss anything.
2. In general,
A.Try to develop other interests or hobbies to spread yourself around. Gym, arts, whatever. Idle hands, you know?
B. Try to quiet the urge. Go rub one out and see how badly u still want it. This works sometimes, not always.
C. Forget quit dates and take it one day at a time. Say "today I won't go". Next day try that again. Repeat.
D. If you have ADHD, addiction and impulse control are big problems. Talk to a shrink to get meds.
Lastly, whether with psych help or on your own, ask yourself why you do this and what you're looking for. The answer to managing the addiction might be revealed. It's probably brain chemistry for most of us that leads to to mongering because we are reward seeking, looking for stress or pain relief, or seeking feelings of love and affection. Dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, respectively. So you're right to think psych help could be beneficial. Good luck.
1. If guilt or shame is an issue:
A. Compartmentalize and avoid deep feelings for providers
B. Talk to a therapist or shrink. My therapist is a little judgmental on some of these issues so I don't go there with her, but my shrink is totally fine and I can discuss anything.
2. In general,
A.Try to develop other interests or hobbies to spread yourself around. Gym, arts, whatever. Idle hands, you know?
B. Try to quiet the urge. Go rub one out and see how badly u still want it. This works sometimes, not always.
C. Forget quit dates and take it one day at a time. Say "today I won't go". Next day try that again. Repeat.
D. If you have ADHD, addiction and impulse control are big problems. Talk to a shrink to get meds.
Lastly, whether with psych help or on your own, ask yourself why you do this and what you're looking for. The answer to managing the addiction might be revealed. It's probably brain chemistry for most of us that leads to to mongering because we are reward seeking, looking for stress or pain relief, or seeking feelings of love and affection. Dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, respectively. So you're right to think psych help could be beneficial. Good luck.