How not to get caught

[derykdobs]

Recently watched a rerun of the Seinfield episode where George was pretending to be an expert on Risk Management and that got me thinking.
Many of us on this board are married or have SO's. While there may be some who don't really care most of us would want to avoid ever getting caught. My mom used to say you can fool someone all the time and you can fool everyone for sometime but you cannot fool everyone all the time. Which is precisely what I an trying to do.
The main risk areas and corresponding mitigants as I see it are:
- Getting an unsolicited text. - I keep my phone locked at all times
- Phone messages are linked to another device like the Android Auto in the car. I have limited the apps on Android Auto
- Having a second secret Credit card - I leave it in the office
- Getting caught with a condom in your pocket. - Always make sure to discard if not used in a session
- Leaving this website open on the PC or Phone. I always use incognito mode and close the browser even if leaving the device for a few minutes
- Being seen by someone you know as you are entering a spa. - I always have some alibi in mind that I can talk to immediately. (meeting a friend/going for a coffee)
Would love to hear thoughts of other risk areas I may have missed and how you guys mitigate those risks.

 

[MAX-77]

Recently watched a rerun of the Seinfield episode where George was pretending to be an expert on Risk Management and that got me thinking.
Many of us on this board are married or have SO's. While there may be some who don't really care most of us would want to avoid ever getting caught. My mom used to say you can fool someone all the time and you can fool everyone for sometime but you cannot fool everyone all the time. Which is precisely what I an trying to do.
The main risk areas and corresponding mitigants as I see it are:
- Getting an unsolicited text. - I keep my phone locked at all times
- Phone messages are linked to another device like the Android Auto in the car. I have limited the apps on Android Auto
- Having a second secret Credit card - I leave it in the office
- Getting caught with a condom in your pocket. - Always make sure to discard if not used in a session
- Leaving this website open on the PC or Phone. I always use incognito mode and close the browser even if leaving the device for a few minutes
- Being seen by someone you know as you are entering a spa. - I always have some alibi in mind that I can talk to immediately. (meeting a friend/going for a coffee)
Would love to hear thoughts of other risk areas I may have missed and how you guys mitigate those risks.

Very good thoughts;
And yes many of us are married and go through great lengths to hide our behaviors.
Obviously the biggest thing is house hold cash flow.fortunately for me I’m retired and don’t have to live dollar for dollar and she has no interest in finances or sex for that matter.
And for me it’s not leaving anything that could cause suspicion.
I use a burner and keep it well out of sight.

 

[mikemendez]

Don’t come back home smelling like spa soap or the cheap oil/lotion.

 

[smatera]

Recently watched a rerun of the Seinfield episode where George was pretending to be an expert on Risk Management and that got me thinking.
Many of us on this board are married or have SO's. While there may be some who don't really care most of us would want to avoid ever getting caught. My mom used to say you can fool someone all the time and you can fool everyone for sometime but you cannot fool everyone all the time. Which is precisely what I an trying to do.
The main risk areas and corresponding mitigants as I see it are:
- Getting an unsolicited text. - I keep my phone locked at all times
- Phone messages are linked to another device like the Android Auto in the car. I have limited the apps on Android Auto
- Having a second secret Credit card - I leave it in the office
- Getting caught with a condom in your pocket. - Always make sure to discard if not used in a session
- Leaving this website open on the PC or Phone. I always use incognito mode and close the browser even if leaving the device for a few minutes
- Being seen by someone you know as you are entering a spa. - I always have some alibi in mind that I can talk to immediately. (meeting a friend/going for a coffee)
Would love to hear thoughts of other risk areas I may have missed and how you guys mitigate those risks.

No incoming phone calls.. limited texts..Do not come home late. Have a job that allows you to have day action.. and stay to a budget.

 

[Odyssey]

Every spa I go to, I look for a nearby location I can make a plausible excuse for being at to explain why I am in the area. A fast food place or other takeout place, a second hand shop, a convenience store. There's one that is tough to explain and, sadly, close to home, so I only go there after dark and back in to the parking area.

 

[VJLUTZ]

Use apps like WeChat or KakaoTalk to communicate. Use a burner phone or Google Voice to make appointments. Use cash. Fund the hobby out of a secret account. If it pays almost no interest, you might not even get a 1099. Drive a common, non-descript car that won't stand out. Don't go anywhere too close (over 15 minutes away is good) or where people might recognize you. Minimize "lost" time (or be able to explain it). Never give your real name. Don't wear clothing that can be used to ID you.

 

[이 회장님]

Good luck gentlemen. Women have a sixth sense and they can see through you and smell what you are doing from a mile away. They might pretend that they don’t know but they know.

 

[smatera]

Good luck gentlemen. Women have a sixth sense and they can see through you and smell what you are doing from a mile away. They might pretend that they don’t know but they know.

or you could be married for over 30 years and your wife could give two shits about your personal debauchery as long as you don’t bring it home and it does not interfere with family responsibilities (financially or time).

 

[Beacon]

Best way to not get caught is to remain single.

 

[leopardnyc]

Best way to not get caught is to remain single.

Sure now you tell us. Too late for me.
How I haven't gotten caught yet: cash only, limit my visits to about once a month so the cash flow is spread out, no longer give provider my phone number, carry a small bottle of mouth wash, shower after session if possible. Good luck everyone, happy and safe mongering.

 

[Newasianstud]

I refuse to get an iphone as she has so that she could easily track my location as she does our kids. She hasn't forced me to get Life360 or any other tracking apps so far either. I really don't like Apple products in general so I act stubborn in refusing to go iphone every time I upgrade my phone, but I don't know how much longer I can hold off. Otherwise, I am the only income earner for the household and I do the finances, so I've never had any issues hiding my cash flow. I do use Google Voice for all my "leisure activities" but I don't use Android Auto because I don't want to risk getting a text from my SB or mamasan from a spa while I'm driving with my family.

But I sometimes do wonder if she really doesn't know or just pretending not to since there is no upside in busting me and getting a divorce. She does make jokes sometimes when I go out alone. But after 30 years together, she has no interest in any intimacy so like @smatera said, maybe she is looking the other way as long as I do my duty as a husband and dad.

 

[VJLUTZ]

maybe she is looking the other way as long as I do my duty as a husband and dad.

I think most wives who no longer fuck their husbands feel guilty about it (if they are realistic and reasonable). They know men well enough to understand they are getting their needs satisfied somehow. It is not fair to expect the husband to become a monk. Their biggest fear is that their husbands will ditch them for the mistress. But if their sixth sense tells them that is not happening, the path of least resistance is to look the other way.

 

[didi88]

They might pretend that they don’t know but they know.

Especially if there’s no sex with SO anymore. Obviously she must realize that if you’re not having sex with her, you’re getting it somewhere else. So if she doesn’t say anything, it’s more likely she’s hiding her suspicions than suffering from cluelessness

 

[BIGBOB62]

Not married but do need to keep this hobby isolated from work, friends, family. i completely isolated this hobby onto a second phone I keep in my car as an emergency phone. I don’t trust app level isolation. Aside from that I intentionally cultivate a reputation for dropping off line. Sometimes on purpose, I leave my normal phone at work, or at home, even when not mongering. I think it’s important for people to get used to the idea that you aren’t always instantly reachable, even if you’re out for lunch with coworkers or at a ball game. Otherwise people start digging when you’re busy with a girl and they can’t reach you. Instead your admin calls your phone and it’s ringing at your desk where she hears it. People are too tied to their phones.

 

[mikemendez]

Imagine getting an incoming call from a lovely and your iPhone announces “ShiShi” while you and the SO are driving to dinner. lol.

 

[smatera]

Imagine getting an incoming call from a lovely and your iPhone announces “ShiShi” while you and the SO are driving to dinner. lol.

Here is your mistake… put a male name to these women ..Shishi is Shaun or whomever … let’s not get sloppy here and if you forget that you did that no big deal .. she was not that important to you anyway . Have these women text . no phone calls..

 

[이 회장님]

Here is your mistake… put a male name to these women ..Shishi is Shaun or whomever … let’s not get sloppy here and if you forget that you did that no big deal .. she was not that important to you anyway . Have these women text . no phone calls..

I have a few friends who do this. For me, it will be hard to keep track that Jennifer is Jason, Amanda is Aaron and Michelle is Michael. lol

 

[smatera]

I have a few friends who do this. For me, it will be hard to keep track that Jennifer is Jason, Amanda is Aaron and Michelle is Michael. lol

Good luck then. No getting around the fact that you took the time to write Shi Shi as a contact name.

I think most wives who no longer fuck their husbands feel guilty about it (if they are realistic and reasonable). They know men well enough to understand they are getting their needs satisfied somehow. It is not fair to expect the husband to become a monk. Their biggest fear is that their husbands will ditch them for the mistress. But if their sixth sense tells them that is not happening, the path of least resistance is to look the other way.[

I have a few friends who do this. For me, it will be hard to keep track that Jennifer is Jason, Amanda is Aaron and Michelle is Michael. lol

Then deny deny deny.

 

[regqafds]

Lots of good advice - I would add - I use cashapp to keep hobby money. Little transfers or cash deposits at a 7/11. There are so many transfers or ach in our account, even if she were too look they blend in with everything else. That way I don't have a lot of cash laying around and can go to an ATM.

Phone - I use google voice set for No Notifications. I don't have a problem with AMP or even indies calling or texting me. I'll text a fav at an AMP to check if she's working or busy. Just in case my phone falls into enemy hands - I don't keep old texts. Google has a Delete for SMS - They say it's forever, not sure if I completely believe them.

Depends on your threat model. If a court order or warrant was involved, I'd be up a serious creek. But it's a misdemeanor so no LE is going to care and even in a divorce, half is taking without the trouble of investigating anything.

I only do this once a month or 3 weeks, wife doesn't want sex, thinks I'm just jerking off, which is kind of the same thing. I don't disrespect or leave shit open or be blatant about it. Worst case I go to a "massage" place and at most get a HJ. No harm no foul.

 

[regqafds]

Imagine getting an incoming call from a lovely and your iPhone announces “ShiShi” while you and the SO are driving to dinner. lol.

Or use Google Voice, turn off Notifications. For contacts - Use protonmail. Stop your phone app automatically adding every number called as a contact. I also use protectedtext.com for contact info and notes.

Google voice you can uninstall during a break, re-install and you have everything again - Just in case I don't keep contacts in GV and delete old texts and phone calls.