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Difficult to make close friends
- Thread starter Creampiemaster
- Start date
Yes. close friends require time and quality of time spent together. When we are young, we have both on our side. I have also noticed that covid has walled off existing friendships and family and absolutely harmed the ability of creating new friendships. Social distancing has become a vogue personality trait which abolishes the ability for friendships.
Is it bad, if I thought the OP meant is it easy to make good friends amongst your providers? Thats easy for me. 
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
Is it bad, if I thought the OP meant is it easy to make good friends amongst your providers? Thats easy for me.
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
Interesting.
100% opposite for me.
When I was younger, especially when in school including college, I thought it was very, very difficult.
Now...as an old guy...it seems real easy.
I think it is because the older get, the less I care what people think.
When I was younger, the effect of my life as a kid/teen (not good at all) was very present.
The older I get, the less I care (early onset alzheimer's?), and perhaps the more fun I am to be around.
Anyways...the older get, the more good friends I seem to have...
It depends. It's as complicated or as fast as you want it to be.
When we're young, we're all at the mercy of the property tax base and our zip code for our first set of friends in school and beyond.
Later as you get older, it's a bit more socioeconomically stratified with your parental supervision of lack thereof, school pathway, after school recreation (peewee baseball league and the like), misc sports, potential higher education or other hobbies.
You build your real tribe as you get older as a man than as a young fresh buck.
That said, that pool of buddies is diminishing quickly as they get gobbled up in the blue pill matrix for jobs, mortgages, women, children, (men?), vices and more.
But if you know to look in certain communities, you'll always find someone or at least some semblance of camaraderie.
I can't speak for everyone, but my fraternity has been a global network and resource. Jiu jitsu and guns have always been great pools to dip into.
At the end of the day, you just need quality, not quantity. You need to know the digits to a handful of mofos who have your back no matter what happens. Whether it's bail money, getting rid of "evidence" or moving that pain in the ass futon, you need to know who your homies are as the Great Teacher Onizuka taught us early.
And unfortunately, friends (especially women), will come and go.
I'm a grown ass 35 year old man and fairly well put together, but even I can get fcuked over and stabbed in the chest with the sun high up in the sky by "friends." I just lost a major six figure deal due to a betrayal courtesy of friendly fire. I thought he had my back. I was wrong.
It's okay, he's not the first Judas nor the last. There's more coming. That said, you have to feed the part of you that is beyond some petty nonsense.
If you want real mofos, you have to be a real mofo yourself. Like Dr. JDP also teaches us, "the best men are dangerous but disciplined."
You need to not be needy or desperate. You have to negotiate from a position of strength. For men and women.
Earnestly, this is kinda like that scene in the Matrix. "You mean I can dodge bullets?""
"No, when you're ready, you won't have to."
In a broship seeking context, pretend that means, "You mean I can find close friends?" "No, when you're ready, you won't need to."
Not that you'll become a god in the process...wait there's a good quote.
"Man is a political animal. A man who lives alone is either a Beast or a God" -Aristotle
It just means, you need to independent and strong unto yourself first. Be strong and secure. If you're insecure (I am, I'll admit it, I don't care), the difference is, I'm secure in my insecurity. And I've leveled up nonstop since my juvenile years.
Oh yea, Me and D.Dillinger were going back and forth in another thread, all relationships are transactional. There is always an exchange. That's the essence of good business. Both parties walk away better and stronger. Win-win outcomes.
This might be beyond the scope of your initial question, but there's that old philosophy of being that guy that every man wants to follow into battle and the kind of man that all women want to bang. It's a real thing. That's kinda getting into more esoteric TRP concepts that is subject to interpretation, but realistically, chads are born, not really made. They have outlier physical attributes that command attention whether people acknowledge it or not. Height or facial symmetry is not a skill.
However, masculinity, outgoingness, enthusiasm, being cultured, being knowledgable, speaking many tongues—these are skills you can acquire and use to augment your life to expand your network, make friends, get laid or get paid.
Required martial arts maxim from Japan, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." — This has played out multiple times in my life and I'm always grateful. I can almost feel it coming.
And honestly, man's best friend, still, is a dog.
That said, cat people and dog people are a bit different. You'll find dog people a bit more receptive to be close friends than cat people. Same thing goes for women. However, bad pussy can be very good pussy so...
I guess this is very roundabout way to say the old Socrates dictum, "know thyself."
Be strong in the core of your own being. If this question disappears in the pursuit of that, then you've found it.
(I'm writing this as much to myself as to you...that close friend betrayal was quite the mindfcuk for me. Technically it shouldn't have happened. 3+ sigma events like that sorta defy probabilities. Then again, Issac Newton said he could chart the paths of the stars but not the madness of men. Why someone would nonstop swear oaths of fealty and then stab you in the back and nuke a mutual business deal worth 6-7 large to all parties...is beyond me.)
Okay, last parting thought. I assume you know what SMV is, if not, go google Coach Greg Adams on Youtube and look up SMV stuff he's made. That said, for men, our lives are dogshit from age 14-30. We are worthless. We are human doings. We have to have external extrinsic value. We have to bring home bacon or bacon equivalents.
Women don't do that. They just show up. They are human beings.They magically get bumps and curves one day and the attention seems to never run out for them. They are born aristocrats. Elitists the day their period first hits the end zone. And it lasts a long freaking time. But we win the long game. They gotta do botox and shit just to maintain in their mid and late 20's. Women are born rich but die poor with the aging profile of bread or bananas. Men are born with nothing but build everything and our money can outlast their beauty all day everyday and sometimes 3 rounds on Sundays with the right girl or two.
You might appreciate this clip from Dr. JBP:
Now that I've taught deeper about your question...I think I get more of where you're coming. You see, the question is the medium. You're not really asking about how to find close friends.
You're telling us without telling us that you probably don't have a great relationship with your father.
I would love to run this study.. it'll never pass an ethics board, but I'd bet the bulk of the mongers are mamma's boys from broken families. It's okay. I've seen enough to know this is the case or at least a sizable segment.
But in the end, we all have a need to belong. And being men, our ultimate hubris is that we can save the world. A woman's hubris is that she can do any kind of dirt and get away with it.
Like the Fight Club quote, we're a generation of men raised by women, I don't think another woman is the answer.
And that's real.
We've never seen female privilege quite like today. Ever. And look what they do. Do they cure cancer and build empires? No. They voluntarily sell pussy and share the alphas with fragmented harems for the top guys. And destroy families and society in the process.
Weak men create bad times.
Bad times create hard men.
Hard men create good times.
Good times create weak men.
We're about to go into our century of hell amongst hyperinflation, famine and unprecedented economic turmoil (see my older post history for stuff on that).
You are right to worry about the future and look for fellow fighters in your own shield wall.
You need a tribe. A community.
I don't know what the answer really is, but these are the things that worked for me.
And at the end of the day, besides the mediocrity and monotony and entropy...of... "single serving" friends and interactions... it's really about the gems—those bursts that make eternal memories and give you meaning. Not happiness..cause that's too fleeting..but meaning is eternal. Significance.. is immortality personalized for you.
And no matter what happens, never let the outside world change who you really are. Do not be a walking talking venn diagram of scar tissue. Be your own man. Be beyond your circumstances. Beyond money, things and even people. Own your soul to the core. Take ownership of your life and all your interactions.
Be a person of value.
Be generous, be kind, be wise.
Be strong and learn to be merciful, especially with yourself.
Remember, only the strong can have the luxury to be merciful.
Long ass answer, hope this helps man.
You're not alone. Lots of us were tossed into the wild with little help and guidance. This modern world is extremely self-destructive. (I just rewatched the Devil's Advocate...damn...good shit.)
Your isolation and alienation is by design from the powers that be. They want to sell you cheap coping strategies like infinite free 4k porn and lotsa weed.
When we're young, we're all at the mercy of the property tax base and our zip code for our first set of friends in school and beyond.
Later as you get older, it's a bit more socioeconomically stratified with your parental supervision of lack thereof, school pathway, after school recreation (peewee baseball league and the like), misc sports, potential higher education or other hobbies.
You build your real tribe as you get older as a man than as a young fresh buck.
That said, that pool of buddies is diminishing quickly as they get gobbled up in the blue pill matrix for jobs, mortgages, women, children, (men?), vices and more.
But if you know to look in certain communities, you'll always find someone or at least some semblance of camaraderie.
I can't speak for everyone, but my fraternity has been a global network and resource. Jiu jitsu and guns have always been great pools to dip into.
At the end of the day, you just need quality, not quantity. You need to know the digits to a handful of mofos who have your back no matter what happens. Whether it's bail money, getting rid of "evidence" or moving that pain in the ass futon, you need to know who your homies are as the Great Teacher Onizuka taught us early.
And unfortunately, friends (especially women), will come and go.
I'm a grown ass 35 year old man and fairly well put together, but even I can get fcuked over and stabbed in the chest with the sun high up in the sky by "friends." I just lost a major six figure deal due to a betrayal courtesy of friendly fire. I thought he had my back. I was wrong.
It's okay, he's not the first Judas nor the last. There's more coming. That said, you have to feed the part of you that is beyond some petty nonsense.
If you want real mofos, you have to be a real mofo yourself. Like Dr. JDP also teaches us, "the best men are dangerous but disciplined."
You need to not be needy or desperate. You have to negotiate from a position of strength. For men and women.
Earnestly, this is kinda like that scene in the Matrix. "You mean I can dodge bullets?""
"No, when you're ready, you won't have to."
In a broship seeking context, pretend that means, "You mean I can find close friends?" "No, when you're ready, you won't need to."
Not that you'll become a god in the process...wait there's a good quote.
"Man is a political animal. A man who lives alone is either a Beast or a God" -Aristotle
It just means, you need to independent and strong unto yourself first. Be strong and secure. If you're insecure (I am, I'll admit it, I don't care), the difference is, I'm secure in my insecurity. And I've leveled up nonstop since my juvenile years.
Oh yea, Me and D.Dillinger were going back and forth in another thread, all relationships are transactional. There is always an exchange. That's the essence of good business. Both parties walk away better and stronger. Win-win outcomes.
This might be beyond the scope of your initial question, but there's that old philosophy of being that guy that every man wants to follow into battle and the kind of man that all women want to bang. It's a real thing. That's kinda getting into more esoteric TRP concepts that is subject to interpretation, but realistically, chads are born, not really made. They have outlier physical attributes that command attention whether people acknowledge it or not. Height or facial symmetry is not a skill.
However, masculinity, outgoingness, enthusiasm, being cultured, being knowledgable, speaking many tongues—these are skills you can acquire and use to augment your life to expand your network, make friends, get laid or get paid.
Required martial arts maxim from Japan, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." — This has played out multiple times in my life and I'm always grateful. I can almost feel it coming.
And honestly, man's best friend, still, is a dog.
That said, cat people and dog people are a bit different. You'll find dog people a bit more receptive to be close friends than cat people. Same thing goes for women. However, bad pussy can be very good pussy so...
I guess this is very roundabout way to say the old Socrates dictum, "know thyself."
Be strong in the core of your own being. If this question disappears in the pursuit of that, then you've found it.
(I'm writing this as much to myself as to you...that close friend betrayal was quite the mindfcuk for me. Technically it shouldn't have happened. 3+ sigma events like that sorta defy probabilities. Then again, Issac Newton said he could chart the paths of the stars but not the madness of men. Why someone would nonstop swear oaths of fealty and then stab you in the back and nuke a mutual business deal worth 6-7 large to all parties...is beyond me.)
Okay, last parting thought. I assume you know what SMV is, if not, go google Coach Greg Adams on Youtube and look up SMV stuff he's made. That said, for men, our lives are dogshit from age 14-30. We are worthless. We are human doings. We have to have external extrinsic value. We have to bring home bacon or bacon equivalents.
Women don't do that. They just show up. They are human beings.They magically get bumps and curves one day and the attention seems to never run out for them. They are born aristocrats. Elitists the day their period first hits the end zone. And it lasts a long freaking time. But we win the long game. They gotta do botox and shit just to maintain in their mid and late 20's. Women are born rich but die poor with the aging profile of bread or bananas. Men are born with nothing but build everything and our money can outlast their beauty all day everyday and sometimes 3 rounds on Sundays with the right girl or two.
You might appreciate this clip from Dr. JBP:
Now that I've taught deeper about your question...I think I get more of where you're coming. You see, the question is the medium. You're not really asking about how to find close friends.
You're telling us without telling us that you probably don't have a great relationship with your father.
I would love to run this study.. it'll never pass an ethics board, but I'd bet the bulk of the mongers are mamma's boys from broken families. It's okay. I've seen enough to know this is the case or at least a sizable segment.
But in the end, we all have a need to belong. And being men, our ultimate hubris is that we can save the world. A woman's hubris is that she can do any kind of dirt and get away with it.
Like the Fight Club quote, we're a generation of men raised by women, I don't think another woman is the answer.
And that's real.
We've never seen female privilege quite like today. Ever. And look what they do. Do they cure cancer and build empires? No. They voluntarily sell pussy and share the alphas with fragmented harems for the top guys. And destroy families and society in the process.
Weak men create bad times.
Bad times create hard men.
Hard men create good times.
Good times create weak men.
We're about to go into our century of hell amongst hyperinflation, famine and unprecedented economic turmoil (see my older post history for stuff on that).
You are right to worry about the future and look for fellow fighters in your own shield wall.
You need a tribe. A community.
I don't know what the answer really is, but these are the things that worked for me.
And at the end of the day, besides the mediocrity and monotony and entropy...of... "single serving" friends and interactions... it's really about the gems—those bursts that make eternal memories and give you meaning. Not happiness..cause that's too fleeting..but meaning is eternal. Significance.. is immortality personalized for you.
And no matter what happens, never let the outside world change who you really are. Do not be a walking talking venn diagram of scar tissue. Be your own man. Be beyond your circumstances. Beyond money, things and even people. Own your soul to the core. Take ownership of your life and all your interactions.
Be a person of value.
Be generous, be kind, be wise.
Be strong and learn to be merciful, especially with yourself.
Remember, only the strong can have the luxury to be merciful.
Long ass answer, hope this helps man.
You're not alone. Lots of us were tossed into the wild with little help and guidance. This modern world is extremely self-destructive. (I just rewatched the Devil's Advocate...damn...good shit.)
Your isolation and alienation is by design from the powers that be. They want to sell you cheap coping strategies like infinite free 4k porn and lotsa weed.
I find it hard to find someone who wants the same balance as me. Know a guy who wants to call me everyday and hang out every weekend. Sorry- I don’t have time for all that. I also start to think he is needy or just not right in the head.
On the flip side I have friends who take two weeks to reply to a short text. Sorry- I am not interested in low effort friends. You aren’t really a friend.
No one who wants something in between.
On the flip side I have friends who take two weeks to reply to a short text. Sorry- I am not interested in low effort friends. You aren’t really a friend.
No one who wants something in between.
Turned 70 and my pool of very close friends recently dropped by 3. All died from either cancer or heart priblems.
Now only 1 locally and another in Florida, I’m in NJ. Looks like I’m going to have to find some younger guys to hangin with but tough to relate too and my buddies, I knew them for well over 20+ years. I’ll probably be dead before I develop that kind of relationship with any new buddies.
Oh well, I still have one or two AMP girls I call friends and can go out to diner or drinks with.
Now only 1 locally and another in Florida, I’m in NJ. Looks like I’m going to have to find some younger guys to hangin with but tough to relate too and my buddies, I knew them for well over 20+ years. I’ll probably be dead before I develop that kind of relationship with any new buddies.
Oh well, I still have one or two AMP girls I call friends and can go out to diner or drinks with.
Someone who comes through for you in times of adversity is my definition of a friend. I lost my wife of close to 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly 8 weeks ago. No kids, and no family of my own except for a sister in Florida. Just me and the dog. I spoke with a long-time friend from the AMP world several days after, and she insisted we meet for dinner the following night. Told me to text her the name and address of the restaurant and the reservation time. She and one of her girlfriends, who I also count as a friend, were already waiting in the parking lot when I pulled in. For the next 2 1/2 hours they took my mind off my recent loss. Every time I started choking up, they turned the conversation back to happier times and topics. After we said our goodbyes in the parking lot, I received 2 texts - one from her and one from her girlfriend on their ride home. They’ve been phoning and texting, checking up on me weekly ever since.
Sorry for your loss. And props to the AMP girls for being there for you, that's a good heart. I'm not sure I could see girls like that and ever treat them like AMP workers again...it might have to be more real and emotional, which then complicates things. But certainly they seem worthy of being real friends with. Hope things look up for you, it's very painful to lose loved ones.
Is it bad, if I thought the OP meant is it easy to make good friends amongst your providers? Thats easy for me.
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
But if he meant in civilian life - It's harder. But for me, all my close friendships were made long long ago when i was in my teens and twenties, and while many of them remain just as close, there's nobody that comes to mind, and when i look at the younger people i work with, it feels like they dont make long lasting friendships like we used to. I think its all the social media/online activity. Not to be such a grandpa, but when i was a youngster we didnt have much else to do except to hang out, talk and play sports.
I have had between 1-5 "friends" and several other "acquaintances" in my life. A friend will help you no questions asked - generally speaking. As we "evolve" (or devolve as the case may be for some of us), our "friends" change. I don't mind being a loner. Never really wanted to do what everyone else was doing. I thought I did and tried, but it wasn't for me. As far as it being easy to make friends - depends. Do you want a cigar buddy or tennis buddy or monger buddy?