Easiest first time place?

I've been building up the nerve (desperation...) to get into this world, figuring I'd start at a strip mall type "legit" place with a HE. I've driven by some of the places discussed here and they always look appropriately discreet, sometimes too discreet with full drapes and windowless door and nothing but a neon "open" sign to indicate a sign of life, which I honestly find pretty intimidating (total boy scout wimp here).
Do you typically just walk in randomly and ask for a massage and they'll presume my intentions and take it from there, or do you call ahead and make an appointment with someone specific?

Any east bay recs for a least awkward first experience? I don't even care about the quality of the masseuse or massage or extra, just want it to go through the mechanics of it as nerve and drama free as possible.

What I assume will happen since I don't know what I'm doing and only had 2 legit massages in my life:
"what kind of massage do you want?"
"uh, full body I guess?"
"okay wait here with these 5 other people"
male masseuse walks toward me...
"oh, uh, I prefer a female masseuse"
"oh, okay"
male masseuse and manager look annoyed
I sit back down feeling like a perv getting grossed out looks from legit patrons
female masseuse comes out, takes me to room
"undress to your comfort level"
okay, my fat ass goes full nakie on the table face down
regular massage happens
roll over
more regular massage. maybe I even get some pathetic half-chub going whether I mean to or not.
no hints, no "accidental" junk touch, nothing to imply extra may happen
I leave confused and embarrassed

I'm way overthinking this, right?

Jobh1 if you joined in 2022 then it’s time my friend. If you are the type that likes prepared let me offer these steps. Step 1: Pick your AMP and provider. Unfortunately I’ve never been to an east bay AMP so I can’t recommend one in your hood but you’ve done your homework young apprentice so just pick one and maybe a backup AMP and provider. Once you’ve built the courage to take the plunge and choice #1 doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you immediately carry that courage over to choice #2. Step 2: Call and make an appointment. This is totally unnecessary for the provider because there will almost always be providers available anytime but I think calling and talking to someone over the phone will help you get over some of your apprehension. And be polite and courteous. I believe this helps because the provider knows that a nice guy is coming. I always call ahead to make an appointment and I’m so soft spoken and subservient on the phone. When the phone picks up you will hear “blah blah spa, how may I help you?” And you reply “Can I make an appointment for 1hr (or whatever time you want) massage?” And she will reply “what time you like to come in?” And you reply “can i come is 30min ( or however long it take for you to get there). Unless there some fucking crisis going on at the AMP, you will always get an appointment for when you want. If you have a provider picked out, this is when you ask “is so and so available for my appointment?” This is where you need to be a bit on your toes because not all providers work all shifts. If you’re flexible then just go for it even if your choice provider isn’t there to see you. One last thing. I always ask “is it okay if I use the shower before for appointment?” Now you’d only ask this if your AMP of choice has a shower. But if you dont know this is a good time to ask if they do. What it does, i think is that it shows you are a courteous guy who wants to be clean for the provider. For me I think it makes a difference when they know you’re a nice guy. Step 3: Get cash. Get 1 Benjamin and a bunch of $20s. I’ll explain the Benjamin later. Step 4: Wear easy to undress/dress clothes. You’re going to be a fucking nervous first timer so keep it simple. Sweat pants, tshirt, flip flops. And if you worry about being seen, wear a mask. I wear a mask all the way until i get into the room. Step 5 :Show up. Tell the front girl that you just called to make an appointment for a massage with so and so. She’ll say “$70” ( or whatever the price is) and this is where you pull out the benjamin and hold it with two hands towards the front girl and ask “do you have change for this?” Of course they have change, but you ask because you want them to know you are a polite , nice guy. And most likely you won’t get there change there. It will be brought to your room. Step 6: the front girl will say “come this way” and you follow her to your room. Once in the room you may get instructions like “get undressed and under the sheet”. Or if you wanted to shower this is the time to bring it up and she’ll pull a towel from under the bed and show you where the shower is. Once you’re ready then get naked, hop on the bed dick down, face in the hole, and cover up with the sheet. I prefer to let my arms and hands hang down off the table and Ill explain why later. Step 7: You will hear a knock on the door and be asked “are you ready?” And you reply “yes”. When the provider enters the room I always lift my head to take a look and make eye contact if possible and say hello. She may bring your change from the benjamin at this point and show you where she is leaving it. She may ask questions about the massage or she may just start massaging. If you aren’t sure how to answer just say you like it medium. Step 8. During the massage its okay to start a simple conversation. How is your day going? Is it busy today? And at some point you can offer your name, “by the way, my name is so and so”. She may reciprocate but maybe not. If you requested a specific provider this is a good time to check if they honored your request. If you got bait and switched, don’t stress about it. Shit happens. But getting the provider’s name is important because whether she good or bad you want to know to keep track of both the good ones and bad ones. Step 9: the massage will go something like this. She will do some hand motions to your body above the sheet. After a few mins she will uncover your back and start massaging there. Now i keep my hand and arms down the side and if the provider decides she wants to straddle her legs around my arm , i will reach up and rub her leg, up the thigh and ask “is this okay?” I never get a No if she does the straddle thing to my arm. Step 10: she will uncover your legs and ass. Some times you ass may get uncovered during your back massage. Give your legs some room so she can get between them. Sometimes you will get balls rubs and teasing but sometimes not. I also will lift my hips a bit to invite her to grab my dick. Someones she does, sometimes no. I keep my arms hangs and if she’s in range Ill rub some thigh and ass and ask if its okay. At some point this will end and she’ll disappear to get hot towels. After a wipe down with the towels she will do this very light touching thing. She’ll Just take her fingers and brushing your back and ass. And the she will ask you to turn over. Step 11: here’s where you go with the flow. If she starts massaging then see where she’s going with it. If after a few mins she still massaging you can ask politely “is happy ending okay”? Or she may just ask you up front by doing the hand job motion. Or, the best is when they go straight to town with any prompting. Or you may get something inbetween all these. This is where you just got to roll with it. If you have some service in mind, just politely ask the provider. Remember you are the nice guy here and no matter what you ask, she’s already been asked it before a million times and she already know how to answer. Be prepared to negotiate and have a number in mind if you are requesting a specific deed. Step 12: after you spray, she will probably towel you down. There maybe a scalp and shoulder massage to kill time until your done. After you’ve dressed, the provider will show up with water and this is the time to tip and to get her name if she didn’t give it to you yet
And remember, this first time won’t be your last time. And your first experience won’t be your best. But hopefully some of these step will make it less daunting for you so you can just fucking go for it. Do it NOW.

Tighten up bro. Just go get your dick wet already,lol.

90% of the shops out there you can get a hj++ on the first visit, just walk in like you own the place, the women are always happy to see fresh money come in…

Legendary, cab, thank you. Quote abbreviated for brevity.

My last piece of advice. Your first provider will have seen more dicks and assholes (literally and figuratively) than you can image. Treat her and every provider with respect because you never know which one will become your ATF.

In my experience, the windowless door and full drapes are a signal that implies... don't worry about male massuses and 5 other legit customers in the waiting room. We're here to give you a happy ending. If you want a real massage, go somewhere else.

Now that you know you're in the right place, you won't have to worry about the awkward possibility of them thinking you're there for a legit massage and thinking you're a perv.

For specific recommendations, try New Day Spa in Vallejo or Spring Spa/Golden Fingers Massage in Oakland. With both of those places, you'll get your happy ending if you politely ask for one.

I seem similar to you jobh1. I recommend Lavender Day Spa in Walnut Creek. I forget the provider's name, but I was able to hold a bit of conversation with her, and that made a big difference in me asking for more than a massage.

At the very least, if you can't bring yourself up to it, you'll probably still get a pretty good massage.

Checking in to see if OP ever went. If so, how'd it go? Did you post a review somewhere?

If not I would say, you should do it.

You've gotten a lot of advice, but more can't hurt.

Find a storefront place that is recommended; walk in or make an appointment. FYI tableshower places tend to be FS. Places with diagrams of feet in the window tend to be legit.

When you go in, the first thing is always "massage?" If they don't say it, you say it. Then it's, "ok half hour." You pay the amount and go back.

On the way back she may ask you been here before? You say, yes. (Doesn't matter where you are, its always yes.) For some reason I occasionally get the one who thinks that's a real question. So she says oh really? Who did you see? How was it? Etc etc. The answer is always, I didn't catch her name but she was very pretty. Maybe it was you?

Immediately upon entering the room start taking off your clothes and ask for table shower. She will either lead you to a boring regular shower or a relaxing and rewarding table shower. Fyi some places have NO SHOWER at all. In that case you ask to go to the bathroom and do like a quink sink job or use the wipes they have.

After that its back to the room. Facedown on the table, no sheet or towel is a good way to start. She will either give you a rare, its your lucky day, amazing professional massage during which you'll start deluding yourself that "this is good enough to forget about the rest, I could do this all day!" or, more than likely, it will be the lazy half ass massage you were expecting.

She will say, you have nice skin. Say thanks i really dont do anything for it. Then, if you rub her leg during the process you can say "wow you have nice skin too so smoothe." Then just go back to being massaged.

Some are chatty others are not. I just want to relax so I try to discourage the chit chat by answering most things with a grunt.

Either right before or after the flip, there may be a prompt regarding the next phase of service. It could be hand motions, or a specific question "what you want?" /"You want more?"

The correct response is always, "I like everything."

If you flip, totally uncovered, and there is no prompt, tell her how pretty she is. I've never been in a situation where that isn't enough to get her to ask.

If you are covered with a towel, don't say anything. She might rub your thighs or brush your nuts. You shift a little and go mmm. If that doesn't do it, I just take the massage and leave.

Never outright ask, just on the very low chance it is a legit place.

Some will ask for thier tip then, others wait. But either way once she knows you like everything, she will probably leave and come back.

Stay there, and wait for the rest to ensue. You'll be fine.

Thanks, sfguy, yes - advice & hearing others' experiences is indeed appreciated.
But no, I didn't get a chance to go yet, I'm hoping to make it happen this weekend. I'll report back whenever I finally do.

On a related note, for those that go beyond a storefront tug and get into the fs and daty and bb and the aamps, I assume many (most? all?) of you "win" the sti/std lottery pretty quickly, either temporarily or permanently. And presumably every provider is a petri dish. Yes?

Jobh1, I have never had an issue, but also don't do bb. From what i understand aamps want an id, so I don't go to those. Daty would rarely occur, but if its a lottery with that, I have won that one a few times over the years. [Gratutious GM reference here.]

Don’t do it….its a slippery slope

There's another thread on this forum about "actual STI rates" where I asked folks to share their actual experiences with STIs. Here are a couple of the responses:

"As a monger who's barebacked a lot of women in the last 20 + years of being a manwhore/monger, I get tested frequently and I've been very lucky to not catch anything."

"I've received over 50+ bbbjs from civlian girls and about 20 bbbjs from AMP girls. Never got an STI or anything else."

Personally, here's my experience with providers: I've have CFS about 6-7 times, BBBJs 4 times, and DATY once. Never had any STIs including a very recent test.

I wanted more folks to share their actual experiences with STIs but that thread turned into a conversation about hypothetical risks, people trying to offer medical advice, and others saying to talk to their doctor.

Back in my civilian days I had a pretty large quantity of unprotected experiences and never caught anything.

I had a girl I broke up with call me after she caught something from a guy at a club after we broke up. She asked me to go to the clinic with her. It was warts. We were never getting back together after that for sure! Not even with protection.

It is the only time out of let's say hundreds that I have ever even known someone with a confirmed sti. I use protection now even though I have a sneaking suspicion the prevalence of stis is largely exaggerated to get people to be safe.

Dude,

You are not looking for a massage, a massuese, or a happy ending..........your looking to get the works GFE / PSE. If this is your first time then your looking for a guarantee, so forget about all this massage shit. Pay for me a session and i will hook you up (after me of course) with a first time experience that will blow your mind. Your going about this all wrong

My first time was an unexpected experience for me. I was face down with underwear only for a massage. The female masseuse pulled my undy away with a giggle saying I don’t need it there, lol. Went on to rub the cracks and the balls by explicitly spreading my legs apart. On the flip, I got a HE. Then, I went on to find AMPs that offer CFS. Then, onto PC and other k-orgs.

If you want to go thru this path, use rub-maps to search for spas in your desired city. Whatever has the most activity is very likely to offer HE. Just walk in, pay the 30 mins house fee and tip $80 for HJ. Don’t waste your $$.

If you prefer to cut to the chase and get the GFE/ PSE right away, get verified at a k-org without wasting time.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions. Good luck!

My first overall hobby-world experience was at a strip club in the midwest. I'd gone to plenty of clubs, never knew it was possible to finish in one. I got a 'private" dance from a girl, which was right in the open but on the second level.

The internet said to wear business pants commando so thats what I had. The idea originally was grab a beer before my flight but also look at titties.

During the public "private" dance she starts rubbing the Johnson through the business pants. Internet was correct on that one, btw! Suddenly she just goes on her knees and rubs it off through the pants.

I was floored. It was quick, easy, noone got hurt, and there was nothing to be "ashamed" of after all. Just a good, clean medical service facilitating a necessary bodily function at a fair price.

After that, I got more curious what was available at the local clubs. Talking to guys there led to NS, then discovering amps, and the rest is history.

jobh1, have you gone yet btw?

I'm basically following behind you, sfguy, although presumably much later in life for me. Been to the strip clubs a few dozen times on the east coast over the years; last visit was a place where every lapper involved significant 2-way contact, and VIP (<$150) was full-on HJ at the minimum. Rekindled the fires.
I haven't even bothered entering an SF club based on the what I've heard.

So, AMP life began today. Made a short list of options based on reviews here and went to Four Seasons. Review coming now although baseless given lack of experience.