Are Many People Here Married?

Just curious if others on here are married (or in a serious LTR) and how you go about keeping things on the down low. I know for me it's not easy as all of our finances are intertwined and always having to be "safe" so as to not come home with anything other than a smile.

Anyone else have this challenge?

Another question would be, how many people are in happy marriages?

Probably not too many. When someone is truly happy in a situation they don't think about leaving or doing anything that might jeopardize it.
Married 53 years, we tolerate each other. Things have actually improved since I started hobbying.

Re: communication - I use a password-protected texting app (MySudo), and a password protected email app (Proton) - both are buried deep in an app folder that my partner likely won’t find.

Re: timing - on the rare days that I don’t have meetings at the end of the day, I sneak outta work early for 1hour appts at 3:30 or 4pm and there’s little suspicion when I’m incommunicado during that time because I usually have meetings at that time anyway…

I’m happily married with a few gaps (aren’t we all?). I‘m a better partner when I’m able to fill those gaps elsewhere. I know what you’re thinking, that I’m deluding myself. Maybe, maybe not, but this is what I choose to believe.

Sorry, I didn't answer the original question. When we started out all accounts were joint. Years ago I started opening my own. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't be hobbying. I took some heat for it but she eventually got used to it.

Married, I look at it as my day of pampering.

Yes married with separate finances so that's not a problem. I get days off during the week so that's when I do most of my mongering. Sometimes sneaking around on the weekend for a visit but more comfortable when she's at work

Happily married with a growing family. I manage everything finance wise for all of us so that part is easy enough. Getting out esp last few yrs has be tricky as we’re both in tech and work remote a lot. I usually make sure I won’t be needed for anything and pretend to run some errands. No apps. Just a burner phone and number that I don’t take out unless I need to call/text a specific place for appointments etc. ampreviews on incognito browser ;-)

Edit: like someone said. Think of it as a day of pampering and avoid things that make you guilty as hell (FS/GFE in my case)

Unhappily married here, bordering on misery. Still have physical relations with the wife, but it's mainly due to availability and is just going through the motions. Being treated like royalty at a spa is more fulfilling and is why I come back.

Since I have to control 99% of the finances, moving enough money around undetected isn't difficult. As for getting time away, my type of work lets me come up with excuses to be incommunicado for periods of time.

For those who are describing themselves as "unhappily married", I would be interested in hearing what makes it unhappy.

I am lifelong single, and I would describe myself as "unhappily single".
What makes me unhappy is that I do not have female companionship outside of providers.
No one to take to restaurants and shows, weekend getaways and long vacations and such.
Or even just someone to go on long walks with and then come home and watch TV.
Granted I would only want a thin, petite, pretty young girl for this, like the providers I see, so I know it will never happen.

But what makes your marriages unhappy?
Is it physical? Being with with a sagging, wrinkled middle aged woman?
Is it emotional? Nagging all the time, or complaining about money or being competitive because she works as well?
Is it no sex/not enough sex?

P.S.
I have done the above dinner/shows/getaways with providers...but it's not the same when you are paying them. And I certainly can't do that all the time.
It must be incredible to have a female who actually wants to be there with you and not have it be about money or some other ulterior motive.

When you're married a long time it's usually about money or some other ulterior motive!

For me, I am married to a woman who was never marriage material. Sure, she was sweet and cute when we began dating, but she grew up spoiled and looked after by her parents, and expected the same thing from me. I had an inkling she was like that, but I had no idea just how unprepared she was for adulthood. I foolishly thought we could work through it together and make it better.

But she had no interest in improving things. Marriage and offspring followed, and before I knew it, I was hooked. Or should say "doomed."

Nowadays, I am in a "cheaper to keep her" situation. As much as I want a divorce and a chance to move on while I am still somewhat young, I'm worried about the aforementioned offspring and the fact that most divorce proceedings favor the wife keeping them, which would be a disaster.

And here's some advice you didn't ask for but should consider: DO NOT SETTLE. JUST DON'T. If you see traits and characteristics that you can't abide and doubt will ever improve, do no make the same mistake I did and think "Well, we'll suffer through and love will prevail". While I truly wish life worked like that for everyone, I have seen firsthand in several marriages that it rarely does.

We maintain separate finances. I schedule my trips during times of plausible deniability. I make trips based on errands, meetings, etc.

My marriage is unhappy because I married a failed adult. She can't keep a job, drive a car - you know, grown up stuff.

My mistake was getting married when I had my head too far up my own ass to see the red flags but the end is near.

Unhappily married generally comes from a poor initial decision on your life partner many times because you focused on physical traits - your type - instead of someone that is really a perfect match. You can only know this by being incredibly honest with each other as your relationship develops and treating one another with great respect. Never get married quickly! Take years and years to find your perfect match, if you can't find her enjoy being single. Then after a few years you need to really determine if she satisfies you sexually and you literally get a hard on when she sends you a text. Compatible sex drives matter! Have an open mind so you can date anyone who seems interesting. Also, if you enjoy getting some massage fun, maybe hitting a strip club, definitely let her know early on. If it's the real deal she will be onboard. I think unhappily married means you both can't communicate your feelings properly, so things become unspoken. Like to yourself when there is a disagreement you say "F Off" and she is saying it too. You become roommates, try to be good parents, but the kids know you both are unhappy. You think you are doing a great job faking everything, hiding your animosity, but everyone knows. So if you focus on communicating better you can walk through a mutual divorce, In some states you can sort of do it yourself with filing paperwork and being fair with dividing your assets. In 5 year your life will be so much better in most cases, your health will improve, your kids will be happier. Eventually she remarries and you feel a sense of relief and happiness for her. You find a much better match and your kids love her ... Long way of saying a life of unhappily married is in many ways a life of misery. Don't be a martyr and live a decade of life going through the motions. Just my thoughts

Thanks for the above advice, but as for me personally it is a mute point.
I'm in my late 50s now...so there is no way I can get married, as I view women who are even 25 years younger than me as being too old.
But I think both you and @elsinore125cr give sound advice for younger single guys here.

I would say though, that for me (and I imagine most guys, but maybe I am wrong), the looks/build/face has to be there to even consider going to the next step.
So it would be pretty hard to overlook appearance and go solely on compatible personalities.
Of course I know that 38 years of seeing providers has shaped my perspective on that issue.

Well that is the common thought, but sometimes their inner beauty and the happiness between two people can become attractive. It's not just personality, but more outlook on life, shared values, similar intelligence, common sense of humor. I actually met my ideal perfect dream girl at 50, but on paper, or if anyone was asked their opinion, we were in no way an obvious match. Great differences like race, age, hobbies, life experiences. She definitely wasn't my type, and I was not close to her ideal. Yet holy crap did her looks and body grow on me, because so many other things were ideal. My point is you can find a 40-45 year old that is fairly smoking hot and some races look way younger than their age. So don't limit your outlook, or doubt at 55+ you can find someone attractive enough that love makes her smoking hot to you. Of course, don't stop doing stuff you love like visiting AmpVille.

Nonsense

The old saying "if I knew then what I know now" comes into play. So many things I would have done differently from my teenage years until now. When I was young you graduated school and got married. Totally different mindset nowadays. Would have stayed at home a bit longer with my parents to build some funds, buy a house, date but never get serious. If they want to go to the next level just say no ma'am. Have fun all my life and maybe get serious and married when I get close to retirement. But it's all moot now. In a sexless marriage living like just friends. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say

Dude everyone's situation is different. These threads aren't to tell people how to live its just personal opinions. Lighten up.